What's the big deal about Young Living

Quit Judging Me For Judging You!

train tracks

Occasionally when people find out we homeschool, they begin to rattle off all the reasons they would homeschool, really they would, if only they had the time/patience/money/whatever.

And sometimes when people find out we have 8 children, I see them get antsy, and they tell me, somewhat sheepishly, all the reasons they don't have a large family.

The same thing used to happen when I would breastfeed my babies.

I usually just listen and smile, but what I really want to say is this:

Relax. I'm not judging you.

I don't have the spare time to find out about all the many decisions and all the many reasons you made the decisions you have made for your children and your family.

And even if I did have the time to learn about those, I wouldn't have the mental energy to invest in figuring out whether those are good choices or bad choices for you and your family and your particular set of circumstances.

If you think I looked at you funny, it's probably because I was trying to remember whether or not I turned on the CrockPot before I left home. And how much longer we can last with that one roll of toilet paper. And should I risk hoping it lasts through the night until tomorrow? Or go ahead and drag all the kids into the store to get some more?

Because frankly just trying to keep my own family from going off the rails is all-consuming for me.

Plus, at this point in my parenting journey, I realize that sometimes God has lessons to teach us regardless of whether we have made all the "right" decisions or not.

And I am fully aware that breastfed, homeschooled, children from large families succumb to diseases and drugs and teen pregnancy and divorce and a myriad of other problems none of us wants to face.

See, I don't believe that making all the "right" choices inoculates me or my children from the hardships of this world. Neither do I believe that different choices are the path to doom.

And I'm not judging you for making different choices.

I'm just trying to keep my own Crazy Train on the tracks.

I bet you are, too.

Let's do it together, sister.

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  1. Love, love, love this post!

    • Sherrie Brewington says:

      Great article , I only had but I home schooled him we lived in the wilderness over 18 miles from the nearest dirt road,for 9 years.

  2. I used to be the reverse…feeling like I had to defend my reason for homeschooling to everyone I met. Now, it’s funny because I start meeting people who are responding exactly like the way you say. I actually end up reassuring them and telling them that what works best for one family doesn’t always work for another. I now say that homeschooling has been working great for us, and we’ll keep doing it as long as it’s working. Also, when they ask, “How do you do it? I could never do it!” I reply, “Day by day.” I need to start adding a phrase about about doing it with God’s help– without sounding like a religious snob.
    Connie, maybe you have a good phrase to give the glory to God without sounding “snooty??”

  3. Tracie H says:

    Thank you for sharing!! Love it.

  4. crazy train – snort.
    Even though I only have 2 boys (gasp) I always get the “I would homeschool to if …. ” as if I’m judging them for not. Because, really, I don’t care. It’s not saving my kids and it definitely doesn’t make us better than anyone else. Or keep my kids from wanting their own iphones, PG-13 movies, fist fighting each other, or wanting to stay up all night long.


  5. *Love*

  6. This nearly made me cry!!! Yes to everything you said here!!!
    Just because I have 10 children and homeschool, just because we don’t have tv, just because we don’t do co-ops…doesn’t mean you shouldn’t!!!
    Seriously, the line about keeping your own crazy train on the tracks??? YES YES YES!!!!!!
    You knocked it out of the park with this one Connie!!

  7. Amen.
    Most of the time when people launch into their laundry list of reasons why they could never…with 4 teenage boys, no less…I’m in my own head trying to make sure I didn’t just forget half my grocery list. I have walked out of those (usually one-sided) conversations feeling like I should have offered them a cup of coffee and a good long cry.

  8. Christine says:

    Thanks for your post!! It does my heart good to know that others struggle with this. If people would spend a week at our house they would see that sometimes we can barely hold our ‘crazy train’ together. When people ask me how I do it all I often respond with, “We as parents do our best and pray that God will fill in the gaps!” God and prayer -My only hope!

  9. Great post!

  10. Lovely. . . .it isn’t always about you (me.) Sometimes my eye roll maybe be because I can’t decide where to put them without offending my sensibilities, or because something you said set off a chain-reaction in my brain having absolutely *nothing* to do with them. :)

    Hang in there. . . and enjoy the journey. Even the bumps. :)

  11. Words to live by no matter what the family situation – just trying to keep the crazy train on the tracks. Reading this was like a soothing morning meditation for me, so thank you for that!

  12. I LOVE this post! Thanks for sharing! I have written two posts about the “Mommy Wars”. I really wish we were all more real with each other and more loving and encouraging and much less judgemental!

  13. What a funny yet great post. I appreciate you moms with a lot of children who do so much. As an educator overseas I am often asked which option parents should take for their children (homeschool, private school, public school, ect.) I always tell them every child is different and you may have children in the same family with varying education needs. The key is to know your children and pray that God reveals what is best for them. Keep on doing a great job despite what people may think!

  14. Kimberly says:

    This may be my favorite post you have ever wrote (and let me tell ya, I really like what you write). I was shaking my head yes through the whole thing! Thank you!

  15. Ppl do this if you tell them you recycle or are in college or are paying off debt or are going to the gym. They always think of the reasons they don’t. It’s human nature.

  16. Amen to that :) And by that? I mean all of it!

  17. I love the honesty of this post! And the grace!

  18. Love, love, love!!!

  19. So true. I have encountered this many times in my life. Sometimes I want to say to them, I got enough to worry about without giving a hoot about what you are or aren’t doing, and it’s none of my business anyway.

  20. What’s funny is that when people say “I feel judged”, they are almost always judging.

  21. I love this! So, so true. With seven littles, it takes all I’ve got to keep my own train moving. If anything, I’d rather not compare lives… My house is sure to be messier, the days crazier, the budget tighter. But… I’ll keep my life and leave you to yours!

  22. Is it possible that they aren’t defending themselves, but rather trying to find common ground for a conversation? I would LOVE to homeschool and I identify with homeschoolers, but my husband won’t allow it. Since he makes up the other half of their parents, he has a say in their parenting. But, I care about their education, very active in their education, essentially homeschool in addition to public school and I enjoy having the conversations with people. When homeschoolers talk to me, they talk to me like a public school Mom who has little in common with them. I’m not defending myself because I feel judged. I explain myself because I want to be a friend.


  1. […] Quit Judging Me for Judging You! :: Thank you, Connie. It seems that people feel the need to make excuses for not homeschooling, or whatever it is we do that they don’t do. There’s really no need. […]