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Why I Make Sure Things Aren’t Fair For My Kids

Why I make sure things aren't fair for my kids


Why I make sure things aren't fair for my kids

Recently I took these 2 for a full day of fun at Six Flags Over Texas.

Smockity Kids

The rest of my 8 children stayed home.

It wasn't a special occasion. And the other 6 kids didn't whine or question me about why I wasn't taking everyone.

Here is the WHY and HOW of what I do.

Why I Make Sure Things Aren't Fair For My Kids

  • I want my children to have time with me when they aren't with all the other siblings.
  • I want my children to know that sometimes it is their turn to get special attention and sometimes it is someone else's turn.
  • I want my children to understand that every single situation in life will not always work in their favor.
  • I want my children to practice postponing gratification.
  • I want my children to practice being happy when others are the center of attention.

How I Make Sure Things Aren't Fair For My Kids

  • When it is a child's birthday month and half-birthday month, he or she gets a special day with Mom. One sibling may be invited if the birthday child chooses. The birthday child may choose up to 3 activities (within reason) for our special day.
  • Occasionally when the whole family is out, I may buy one child new shoes, or a new backpack, or another needed item.
  • I take a different child with me each time I go on errands.

Do your children understand and accept that sometimes things aren't "fair"? You will be doing them (and their future families) a huge favor if they come to grips with this before adulthood!

See also my thoughts on "10 Signs Your Child Might Be Spoiled And What To Do About It."

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  1. Hi, Connie,
    I did the same thing. We are down from 7 to 1 at home. She gets lots more attention, but she also is alone more. Just the way life goes. Do my kids always ‘get it?’ No. But that is just the way it is. :) Hang in there and enjoy them, together, separately and joyously. Then one day you will be rewarded. . . .with lots of grandchildren! Oh, the joy! :)

  2. I think this is wonderful for them to learn this lesson in the context of a loving home as this is life in the real world. Thank you for the reminder. I love the idea of celebrating “half-birthdays”. Thanks for the post!

  3. I’ve always done things you’ve described, but not intentionally. That’s just daily life and they way things happen. I’ve never put thought into it and neither have they.

  4. Hi Connie
    I really like your ideas of spending quality time with each child. I think I would call it “not equal” instead of “not fair” because everything you are doing is certainly “fair”.

  5. Lanette says:

    While I agree with your actions, I don’t quite agree with the wording. Two of the three things you mentioned as making sure things aren’t fair, are, in fact, fair. Each kid gets to spend time with mom at certain times (special days and on errands). They do learn how to be patient and wait their turn but it is still being fair.

    And as for the third one, you are teaching them great lessons about needs/wants.

    I get how kids claim things are ‘unfair’ when they don’t get the results they want at the time they want them. But your actions are still fair. To truly teach them life isn’t always fair it would require things like choosing favorites and only rewarding those children.

    As a child learns some things take time and learn to wait their turn and have patience most things will work out to be fair. And when it doesn’t, we turn to The Lord to make up the difference.

  6. This is FANTASTIC!
    We teach our children that we don’t try to do what is FAIR, but what is RIGHT! It helps them grow to understand the love of God, too!
    Thank you for sharing this! It’s wonderful!


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