What's the big deal about Young Living

4 Moms Discuss What Happens When Husband Doesn’t Want Any More Babies

I have gotten this question in my inbox several times in one form or another. It usually follows a long story, which summarized sounds like, "I want more children. My husband doesn't. I feel that God wants us to have more children. What should I do?"

Before this point, my philosophy has been, "I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole." But since this was the assigned topic on our 4 Moms list, here I am with my pole.

First of all, I don't want anyone having more children or not having more children because Smockity said so. I would hope you would make that decision after sticking your nose in between the pages of scripture, praying about it, and consulting with your husband on it.

Let's look at scripture to start with.

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127: 3-5)

God's word makes it clear that children are a blessing and a gift from him.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-23)

God's word also makes it clear that wives are to submit to their husbands.

Now, you can point out that Christians are to submit one to another as the scriptures also state, or you can take the conversation off track by asking, "What about how the husband is supposed to treat the wife?!"

But we are not answering a question a husband has sent in about how he should treat his wife or whether he should submit to her wishes. We are talking here about a wife asking what she should do when her husband says "no more children".

Biologically speaking (or legally speaking in the case of adoption) a wife must have her husband's participation in adding more children to the family. If the husband is unwilling, then the Christian wife's only choice is to submit.

This is not to say that a husband's mind can not be changed through study and prayer. (Some books we read on this subject are The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality and A Full Quiver: Family Planning and the Lordship of Christ.)

But until that time comes, if it does, the wife must submit to her husband's decision.

And now, if you dare, go and see what the rest of my 4 Moms team has to say about this topic!

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  1. I agree that a wife must submit to her husband’s wishes on these things. My husband didn’t like the idea of more babies after number 2 or 3, and he really didn’t want to be the one to take charge of the details because pills are just easier to take. I said no, he’d have to take care of that. I said it gently, but when a wife and husband disagree on matters like this, rather than say, length of hair or whether she works outside the home or not, there are some things, as Churchill might put it, up with which she must not put. A wife can never submit to her husband’s desire for her to sin, for instance, so if she were to (as I did) refuse to take the Pill because she knows it can be an abortifacient, even though her husband insists that that is the best way, then that’s kind of a hairier situation. Ultimately, she has to stand before God for that decision alone, not as part of a couple, so a little passive resistance *might* be in order. Or she might not feel convicted enough about that to make a fuss.

    Hopefully, a husband who wants no more kids would be willing to take that into his own hands instead of harming his wife’s conscience like that. I noticed the Headmistress had a similar situation. I can’t think for the life of me what I’d have done if he had really put his foot down. I’m glad I’m married to a good man who wouldn’t force me to violate my conscience. As it turned out, he didn’t not want kids badly enough to do anything about it himself, either. 😉

  2. That first sentence should have said “to a point” at the end of it. :-)

  3. Raising Olives and Life in a Shoe are taking a break from some things, according to their blog, so I doubt that they’ll be answering this question.

  4. My husband doesn’t want the stress of more kids, but he also doesn’t want to take any steps himself. I had negative health issues related to pills, so I am not willing to take them. So now we live in the world of, if it happens it happens and if he wants to be more certain than that he can make his own dr appt. I do count days on the calendar, but those dates are not always on my mind.

  5. Our story is the opposite, my husband wanted another child while I was not so sure about wanting more kids. We currently have three boys and three girls. I struggled with the decision for a long time and in the end knew that God was the One who created life and that He would not give us more than what we could handle. Once I gave God control of our family planning, I was at peace with whatever His will was. I am now 14 weeks pregnant with our seventh child and I know that it was God’s will for our family. Thank you so much for addressing this topic. May God Bless all your families!

  6. We are told to ‘multiply and replenish the earth’ but it never says how many to have. That is because every family is different. Every situation is different. It is between God, the husband and the wife. No one else. It may be right for one family to have 20 children and another to have one. It may right for a family only to adopt and another to have their own but not adopt. I ahve two children, and would gladly have more, except, my husband and I BOTH prayed about it and read the scriptures and prayed and prayed. Our answer was that we were only supposed to have two, even though we thought we would have more than that. I always thought we would have at least 4 children. Not in the cards. It is a spiritual decision to me, and I know my Heavenly Father has answered me. That was the right decision for our family.
    I also put forward that BOTH the husband and wife should be on the same page about having a child before they bring a child into the world. It is bad for the child, and bad for the parents relationship if a child is brought into the world without the unity that that relationship needs to be stong to nurture and raise that child.

  7. Here’s the thing… man cannot set aside what God has put forth. If God made me a healthy, fertile woman, then man cannot set that aside (not even mine). We are daughters of God first and wives second. Your husband should never ask you to alter your sexual nature. Period.

    So, if your husband (or you) do not want children then the answer is simple, no sex. But changing your very sexual nature thats make you male and female by sterilizing yourself is clearly an affront against God. It’s also short changing your spouse since you no longer give yourself fully to one another when you use contraception. You intentially deny part of yourself.

  8. Thanks for being brave enough to address this topic. Appreciate your soft but direct answer.

  9. Such an interesting question, I wanted to add my own perspective based upon my own experiences & God’s will for MY life.

    After the birth of our 4th baby I wanted none, until she hit two days of age. Her birth wasn’t the funnest experience. Hubby was ADAMANT on no more (birth reasons). I knew in my heart that wasn’t God’s plan for us, and that Hubby’s heart was not inline with God’s will for our lives. So I prayed, lots and often about this.

    My prayer was if it is GODS WILL (key words right there ladies) then GOD will change the heart of hubby. Many many many months later hubby says to me ‘Do you think your not falling preg because of meds?’, we searched and discovered yes. Hubby chose to go off meds, an act of obedience to God’s Will (& a diff story). 2 months later we are excitedly pregnant.

    We are now due in 2-3 weeks time with our 5th. The baby that hubby did not originally want. Hubby is very excited about it. The baby wanted and loved by all 6 of us already.

    My point really, is that just because the hubby says no, does not NECESSARILY mean that hubby is inline with either scripture or what God’s Will is for his life, and as the helpmeet, I believe it is our job to pray, that if its not in line with God’s Will for his life then the Lord will change hubby’s heart.. and ours too. Before making a blanket decision of ‘wives submitting to their husbands’.

  10. I came over here to read these posts, hoping for some comfort. But the truth is, when you’re married to someone who doesn’t believe? Submission is very hard. Especially when it comes to issues like this.

    My consolation at this point? That my four sons are growing up to be good, godly men whom I am every day thankful for having. I cannot imagine life without any of them.

  11. I am a mother of 3 one boy two girls,my husband has 2 other kids with two different mothers. if your doing the math that five kids all togather. After the birth of our last daughter we had the choice of tubes tied, five year contraceptives or three year contraceptives. I let my husband pick what he thought was best for us. He picked a three year IUD, so for the past three years ihave been preping my mind and body for our baby #4. Now he keeps telling me NO WAY to baby #4. Leaving.me to wonder WHAT HAPPEND to the three year plan he had?
    Why not make it six?

  12. Desert Bloom says:

    I have been discussing this topic with my husband and was searching for advice on the Web and discovered this lovely website. I am filled with joy because my husband called me from work today to say that he is happy to have another child (we have one child now)
    I texted him the first quoted scripture and said to him think about your childhood are not most of your memories made with your brother? And said, who will be with our only son when we pass away? I feel that I not only want more children for my own reasons, which are many, but for my sons childhood/future childrens to be enhanced and to have someone else in the world close to him when we pass. I could not bare for him to be an only child as I couldn’t imagine my own childhood without my brother. I thank God for leading me to this post for the scripture that we needed to hear!

  13. Desert Bloom says:


  14. My husband and I have four children (his daughter 11, my daughter 10, and our two boys 3 and 4). Our boys were born 11 months apart (Irish twins). Because of this my husband did not want anymore-to exhausting. He got a vasectomy without my agreement or prayer. Now three years later I’m dying for another child.

    Recently, he had a change of heart and made an appointment to fly across the country to get a reversal (he even paid $1,000 dollars for the flight and appointment). Then out of the blue he told me he changed his mind and cancelled everything.

    My husband claims that I want children for selfish reasons, although I tell him it’s not selfish to want God’s blessings. He claims that God said he would bless us with a child, however it would prohibit future ministries for us to be involved in. I do not believe that revelation came from God. It doesn’t seem to line up with Scripture. We fight about this more often than I want to admit.

    I’m trying to submit however it’s proving to be most challenging. I’ve finally given both of us to God (something I should have done in the beginning). If the Lord’s Will for us is to have more children God will change my husbands heart; if not, God Will change my heart.