What's the big deal about Young Living

Disagreeing With Style and Grace

If you've been reading here long, you may have noticed that I have some opinions about some things, and I don't mind sharing them. (See my thoughts about spoiled children, vaccinations, and random adults teaching my kids about sex.) I realize that there will be those that disagree with my opinions and that is fine with me. To each his own.

What baffles me, though, are the inevitable emails and comments calling me "moron", "loser", "idiot", and many other names I won't post here. I have been told, "people like you shouldn't be allowed to breed," (And here I thought that was ONE area government had not managed to control.) "You should shut up," "You have no right to say these things," and more. I usually just roll my eyes and hit "delete", but I have saved a few that are threatening in nature, one in particular that mentioned a gun.

Yes, people are that crazy.

That's why I was thrilled when I saw how a disagreement played out on my Facebook fan page recently.

A friend from high school, whom I haven't seen or talked to in years, was sad to see that I posted a picture of the 6 foot long snake we killed that was found in our hen house. You see, he is very passionate about protecting snakes, and even posts videos on his vacation rental page of how to safely relocate rattlesnakes.

In fact, I learned from his Big Bend vacation rental page how to relocate the snake the first time we caught it stealing our eggs, and we did that. The second time, we decided his chances were up and it was time to end our suffering.

Of course, Daryl was sad to see that we had come to that decision and he said so on my page.

But here's the unbelievable thing: He said in nicely!

No name calling. No insulting accusations.

Just disagreement stated with style and grace.

You have no idea how refreshing that was for me, and I told him so.

The next time you disagree with someone, on the internet or in person, think about this: Have you ever been persuaded to change your opinion on a matter when someone calls you names and insults you? Would you be more likely to consider their position if they stated it nicely, with respect and civility?

Now, I have no idea about Daryl's politics, religion, whether he believes in ranch dressing on pizza, or if Mr. Pibb is a suitable substitute for Dr. Pepper. I suspect we probably disagree on at least one of those things, but I know if we do, it will be done with style and grace.

And I am thankful for that.

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  1. I completely agree! When I read his response on FB, I was so completely impressed! That’s a GENTLEMAN!

  2. A true gentleman. We need to encourage more behavior like this from men and women. Thanks for highlighting this for us, Connie.

  3. That is awesome! I struggle with disagreeing with grace, so I usually don’t state my opinion unless I can think it through first. Especially if my emotions are high and I’m irritated. When you respond out of emotion it’s less likely the person will even consider what you’re saying. If it’s important enough for me to voice my opinion I make sure to do it when calm so it’s more likely the person actually listens and have a discussion about it instead of a heated emotional debate or argument.

  4. Lindsey says:

    Another problem I’ve seen on FB is that people can’t hear your tone of voice and some will get offended at what is said, even if it was nice, because they think you’re being sarcastic, ect. So, I guess we just have to be careful to word our statements in a way that people can’t mistake that we’re being kind. 😀

  5. Thank you for posting this. I had someone call me a moron in my comments just this last week! It literally ruined my week and started really depressing me. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who get’s such rude comments. In fact right before I clicked over to your blog I just disabled my comments because I’ve received such painful ones lately. What really stings is the fact that (probably) the same person keeps insinuating that my husband wants to leave me. I CANT take the lies of the enemy any longer!

    I realized this morning that I was buying into the lie that I was fat, (which one commenter insinuated on a post with a pregnant picture of me I WAS PREGNANT!!!) my husband doesn’t love me, and I’m ruining my children. I have ENOUGH insecurities without listening to an instrument of the devil. Yes, that’s what I believe because the comments hurt me that badly. They literally affected my parenting and my marriage this past week.

    I’m not thick skinned, I was definitely lying to myself pretending that I was, so no more comments on my blog for a LOOOONNNNNG time (I wonder if this is why Darlene at the time warp wife doesn’t have comments) I will not trade my effectiveness as a mother and wife for a better blog. I believe God will bless it even more with my comments switched off.

    It’s funny I wrote somewhat of a rebutle to your spoiling posts (not yours specifically but a lot of ones I’ve been reading lately) but I purposefully didn’t cite your post in mine because I thought you had such valid points. I didn’t want anyone thinking that I didn’t like your blog (because I do) and disagreed completely with your post (because I didn’t). Here I go out of my way not to hurt anyone’s feelings and someone does it in one fell swoop of a comment. I’m so sorry people have insulted you in this way.

    Sorry this comment has been so long, but I’m afraid if I posted something like this on my blog I would get more HATE e-mail (which has been so prolific of late). Phew, I needed to get this off of my chest. : )

    I love love love your blog! Keep posting : )

    • Lisa Beth W. says:

      stewart, shame on you.

      • Smockity Frocks says:

        Lisa, I believe Stewart proved my point well. I decided to delete his comment so others wouldn’t have to be disgusted by it.

        • Lisa Beth W. says:

          Thanks, Connie. I wanted to say more, but held my fingers. :) Thanks for the great blog post!

  6. Connie,
    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!! I learn so much, am uplifted, encouraged, often reassured, entertained, and inspired by it… among other things. You are doing so much good. Because of that, expect attacks. Just remember what my husband always says, “Don’t let the turkeys get you down.” ;o)

    From another former public school teacher who decided to homeschool. :o)

  7. Well said! I don’t understand why people feel the need to comment if they disagree so strongly. Why read your blog if it makes them that angry? I’m so sorry people have said such nasty things to you. I am happy to hear your old friend handled the snake disagreement so well.

    • I agree! I do not understand why people get so worked up and make angry/hurtful comments on someone elses’ blog. HELLO, its a blog, no one is forcing you to read it. If you dont agree or dont like what they say, stop reading it. Simple as that.

      • I totally agree.. Everyone is not always going to agree, you take what you can out of a blog, book, tv show and use what you can.. The rest you forget about.. Who are we to tell someone else they are stupid for how they FEEL.. It’s their FEELINGS..

  8. Kelly Ohler says:

    That’s one of the reasons I left Facebook! I have better things to do with my time than to try to be nice or formulate a debate in adult terms only to have people resort to name-calling. Far too many people simply do not understand that having a difference of opinion can lead to exciting dialogue and perhaps solutions to problems, so they descend into name-calling and self-righteousness rather than trying to work through a difference or inform someone of a different way of looking at something.

  9. And you my lady, have the best ways of showing things you believe in: with much grace and humor. I can’t fathom how anyone would take offense to you and call you names. You are such an inspiration to me :).

    • This was my thought exactly Miranda. I’ve been lucky enough to know lots of great people in my life. I seriously can’t think of anyone as sweet and selfless as I remember Connie during our teen years. Over the intervening years, I’ve thought of her often and always took comfort and joy in the memories. Now, getting re-acquainted through Facebook and her blog, I see that she is still as gracious, giving, and caring as back then. Her family and friends are lucky indeed. Her opponents would do well to get to know her instead of attacking her.

  10. Why do they read the blog then?? I’ve noticed that anytime you disagree with someone on the internet, they resort to name calling. If you don’t agree with someone, somehow you are “an idiot.”
    Anyway, I love your thoughts and this is one of my favorite blogs. I read it every day :)

  11. I just want you to know that I am praying for you and I am so grateful for your honesty and strength as you raise your children up the way the Lord would have you do. :o) *Stay strong momma! “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”

  12. I have to admit, I’m glad you posted this. I sometimes feel as though all the mean and nasty comments in the world come to me. Recently they’ve come with a fervor – it’s really hard when people question your integrity when they don’t even know you.
    I find this helpful when I’m having a rough blogging day – which is today again. So thanks for reminding me that I need to read it over.

  13. Isn’t that refreshing? He handled it with such poise. What an example!

  14. God bless you,Connie. I love reading your blog &even if I don’t agree with you 100% on some things, I respect you and your rights to speak freely in our country & to live and raise your family as you choose. I don’t understand why some people feel the need to be ugly & threatening. I really don’t get it. Thank you for bring a person of Christian love and sharing your insights with us.

  15. Comments are more reflective of the person MAKING the comment then the person the comment IS ABOUT. Think about it.

    We love you Connie! Even my husband said that he really likes you, and he’s only heard the posts that I read and show to him. You have also been a great encouragement and comfort to a wonderful friend of mine who is now a mother of 10 children. Thank you for that!

  16. If I am upset by a post I go away for a few days and then come back once I start missing you. No reason to resort to name calling.

    And pizza shouldn’t be eaten with out ranch dressing, and there is no substitute for Dr. Pepper.

  17. Connie,

    Thanks for the kind words. I really enjoyed this article and agree 100% with the underlying message. Not sure that I deserve all the compliments from you and the others here. I do try to remain civil, but often fail. I recently had an ugly argument on my favorite online forum. The end result was that I felt bad for my opponent and embarrassed for myself. Not at all the result I desired. My intended message was completely drowned out by my wrong-headed approach.

    You summed the issue up perfectly when you asked: “Have you ever been persuaded to change your opinion on a matter when someone calls you names and insults you? Would you be more likely to consider their position if they stated it nicely, with respect and civility?”

  18. Finally a voice of reason! I’m so tired of people automatically thinking their opinion is the only opinion that is right (and I know I’ve been guilty many times of the exact same thing) but I’m trying to get better at it! The announcements this week by Chik-fil-A management is something I applaud much to apparently a lot of my friends disagreement. However even if they had come out saying they supported gay and lesbian movements I don’t think I would completely boycott their establishment just because I disagreed with them on that one point. I mean seriously! If we only shopped at places where we completely and totally agreed with somebody 100% of the time would we be able to shop anywhere? Now if they are supporting sweat shops or paying for abortion clinics or something like that…….

  19. Agree with the sentiment of the post concerning respectful disagreement, but I am not sure that there was a disagreement in the first place. If you read the facebook conversation, Daryl lamented the loss of the wild animal, while stating that an “animal attacking your livestock and consuming your food is another story”.

    • No and yes. I did disagree with killing the snake and would never have done so myself. However, I choose to look past my personal opinion and consider the situation from her perspective. Her and I have dramatically different personal histories and experience levels regarding snakes. The fact that our opinions differ does not make either one of us “wrong” or “bad”. While I personally abhor killing snakes, enforcing MY standard on others would be ridiculous and wholly inappropriate. I fully support Connie’s right (perhaps even obligation) to defend her property and the animals in her charge. The fact that she tried relocation first and that she did not proceed lightly, cheerfully, or maliciously also makes this incident FAR different from other snake killing incidents that truly upset me.

    • Smockity Frocks says:

      Maybe it would have been better characterized as a topic which Daryl feels passionately about. Those are the kinds of posts which usually garner the hate mail. You would be surprised how upset people can get when someone doesn’t see eye to eye with their passions! I very much appreciated the reasoned response from Daryl.

      • I was thinking about this as I was drifting off to sleep. I think that the conversation is a great example of people being pragmatic and recognizing that very few issues are black or white.

  20. I guess I missed Stewart’s comment, but no worries. I wouldn’t need to read it if Connie felt it necessary to delete it. Connie, you have a great blog here. Keep up the good work. God uses his servants as instruments to further a purpose. His servants have always encountered criticism and condemnation. What is important is that we, as Christian, press on toward the goal of approval from God, not the world.